Well, that was a fun, infuriating, excruciating, exhausting, exhilarating ride. The Oilers drop Game 7 against the Ducks to end their 2016-17 season in Disneyland last night. This brings to a close the two-round playoff run, the 2nd place season and the In The Box column for another year. How will the boys react to the loss, and getting their lives back?
A wise man once said “Don’t Look Back in Anger”… Another wise man named Craig once said “Fuck Oasis.”
Round 2 – Game 7
Ducks 2 Oilers 1
Brent Oliver: Numb. I guess that’s the only way I can describe my feelings after a Game 7 loss. Numb. I wasn’t sad the Oilers didn’t move on, I wasn’t thrilled to get my life back and not be bleary eyed at work or parenting. When the horn sounded, I felt numb.
The Oilers weren’t supposed to do this well, this year. I made the prediction at the beginning of the season that this would be the last time the Oilers miss the playoff for a very long time. I revised that halfway through the season to say they would make it one, maybe two rounds in the playoffs and get turfed by a team like San Jose or Chicago. The Oilers, much like the Crosby’s early years with the Pens, would learn and grow from the experience and be a better team for the future.
So, with all that – what the fuck do we have to complain about? The Oilers were one of the final 5 teams in the Stanley Cup championship. That’s something to be very thankful about. They did it all with a terrible 2nd line (please just waive Eberle) and McDavid being double teamed and the Ducks being fucking weasels and the refs being against us… (ok, maybe I’m still a little mad). But come on, we made it to a Game 7 in the Western Conference semis.
Good on ya Oilers. Nowhere to go but up, and holy shit – we’re already pretty high.
Craig Douglas: Instead of a recap, here’s a list of hollow points to end the season:
- Hey fuck you, Bald Idiot.
- At least game seven wasn’t an absolute joke, you know, with the refs and such. The Mighty Dicks outplayed the Oilers last night, for once.
- “Neon” Leon – “Dr. Drai” – “The Silver Rhino” – “The Leon King” Draisaitl has been a joy to behold.
- McDavid and Talbot and Maroon and Draisaitl are Oiler legends already.
- I think my favorite moment of the post season was ‘The Kassian Game’.
- Holy shit, this is infuriating to write about. The Oilers are a much better team than those useless tossers that they just “lost” to.
- The NHL is a bigger joke than 911.
- The better team did not win that series, except for when they did, at least once.
- Hopefully the terrible refs that worked that series have been put to pasture and the rest of the playoffs will be less atrocious – not that I’ll be watching.
- The stupid water fowl played better than the Oil for exactly two games of the series and yet they won four of those games. The NHL and their shit refs have a lot to answer for.
- I hope everyone hates that stupid team of Disney babies as much as I do now. Seriously, fuck them.
- Bye Bye, Ebs (he said hopefully).
- Extended sobriety has a certain appeal.
- 47 wins and game seven of the second round? I’ll take it.
- Fucked by the refs? I’m not letting that go.
- Putting a team in Las Vegas was a really bad idea and I look forward to making fun of the NHL when it all goes sideways.
- See you in September.
- Hey Bald Idiot! Fuck you.
The Off Season
Brent Oliver: So, what do we do between now and next year? I now present to you the fool proof plan for the Oilers to make it to the Stanley Cup finals next year and shore up this team’s depth. Since it’s so fool proof – I’ll call it “The Tambellini”.
- Sign McDavid now for an extension. Don’t wait until he’s even more valuable next year.
- Give McDavid the highest contract in the history of the NHL. Not joking.
- Sign a reliable backup goalie. Talbot can play 65 games a year, not 74.
- Trade/ Waive/ Don’t Protect Jordan Eberle. He’s a black hole that makes the whole team worse.
- Don’t trade Nuge… yet. Get him a better line mate (see black hole comment above) and see if he’s able to flourish.
- Sadly, let Russell sign elsewhere for more money. He’s been a huge asset, and we thank him for his service, but for the first time in 25 years, our defence is developing very nicely.
- Don’t let Daryl Katz near a microphone or Spanish actress.
- Someone pat Zack Kassian on the back. Not only has he turned his career around, but his life. That sort of shit should be applauded.
- Give Griffin Reinhart another chance.
- Trade for/ sign players who want to play in Edmonton with the greatest player of his generation and get them on the cheap.
- Recognize that this is the beginning of a powerhouse team, and plan accordingly.
- Win the Stanley Cup.
See you next year, everyone.
Welp, there it is. The end of the longest Edmonton hockey season, and Vue Weekly hockey column in 11 years. Brent and Craig want to thank Lee, Trent, Meaghan, and everyone else in between this season for putting up with their full-on shenanigans, unprofessionalism, and profuse profanity. We hope to get resigned for another year.
Wait a sec? They just got sent to Vegas?!
See you next year, In The Box.