The Oilers begin Round 2 in Disneyland where the stupid Ducks and their stupid fans (both of them) attempt to stop the juggernaut momentum of the Edmonton Oilers. A case of Orange on Orange crime with the good guys coming out on top, and Craig breathing a small sigh of relief that his most hated team didn’t pull out the victory. Duck Season!
Round 2 – Game 1
Oilers 5 Ducks 3
Craig Douglas: Well that was a fun little session of playoff hockey. The Mighty Weasels were dirty as shit, maybe even a little dirtier than most people had anticipated. Seriously, what a classless garbage hockey team with hack and slash being the entirety of their game plan. We were all expecting it – they’re fucking cheap shot artists and everyone knows it – but it was still a little surprising to see it be so front and center. The refs, to their credit, actually called some of it and were a bit better than I’d perhaps feared they would be, but still quite. Examples: Bald Idiot slashed Lucic twice and Lucic somehow found himself alone in the penalty box, Dave Manson’s rotten offspring seems to literally have some sort of cross-checking diplomatic immunity, and Patrick Eaves seems to have ingratiated himself as the latest dirty weasel to play for the Disney babies club. Anyways, that ends my rant about what a dirty, despicable pack of shitheels that fucking team is made of. Let’s talk goals and wins and killer defenseman scoring GWGs!
The game plan of the Oil seemed to have some actual hockey in it and it showed. Score some goals, throw some clean hits, and patiently wait for the dirty team to dirty themselves into a handful of man advantages. It was a plan that mostly worked in its execution, and it certainly worked in the end.
The first period was a rather dull ‘getting to know your opponent’ kind of session. It ended just after Slepy took a chintzy hooking call that left the Weasels on the power play to start the second. Slepy should have had his stick firmly on the ice with six seconds left in the period, but of course replays showed that it was basically nothing. When the 2nd got going, of course, Bald Idiot scored on the power play and the getting to know each other portion of the game was officially over. Letestu tied it for the Oil before too long thanks to a two-man advantage as Nicole Ritchie and Pampers Lindholm were both out serving penalties for holding and high sticking infractions respectively. After that, both teams hung in there and everyone agreed to save all the fun for the third period.
The third started to look like it might be game over for the Weasels after Letestu scored his second, identical power play marker and the Oil followed it up with a big blast from Larsson that found its way into the net. 3-1 with twelve minutes to play had some Oiler fans feeling pretty good, but Cam Talbot had a (mercifully brief) case of the rebounds and just like the Oil had just scored two goals in 1:40, suddenly the shitheels grabbed two goals in 1:25 and it was fucking tied again. This set the stage for a hell of an ending as Adam Larsson started a breakout from his own zone, began to realize that he didn’t exactly have anyone to pass to, and decided to go full Coffey and just end to end that fucking puck and then proceeded to tuck it way behind loser goalie John Gibson for the win with less than five minutes left. The Leon King got an empty net goal shortly thereafter and that was it, game over good guys win. And so, in summary: fuck you Anaheim, you Disney babies, you dirty cheating weasels of a team got what you deserved.
Eat shit and we’ll see you Saturday.
Brent Oliver: Regardless of Craig’s hatred, and repeated recapped hatred of the Ducks – I’m beginning to form my own opinion that the Ducks are in fact, a classless group of slash and hack assholes that should be fed 10 pounds of dog shit in a 5-pound bag. After last night, it feels good to hate another team – you know, like Canucks-level of hate. The sort of hate we all had for the Stars at the turn of the century and pieces of garbage like Eddie Belfour and Derian Hatcher are now pieces of garbage Ryan Kessler and Kevin Bieksa.
We should, of course, turn the focus on what to do with Connor McDavid. The superstar seems to be ailing, although – we’ll never know thanks to the zipped lips of playoff coaches. Connor has been hacked, sticked, checked, tripped and pummeled for 7 games now, so you can’t blame the kid for not being 100%. Unfortunately, without Connor producing, we can’t rely solely on the heroics of guys like Zack Kassian and my boyfriend Adam Larsson to have career games to win matchups. The juice from the orange (see what I did there?) will run out at some point, but for now it’s nice to see secondary players step up, and the Leon King take the role of leading this team. Seriously, are we seeing the emergence of our Malkin to McDavid’s Crosby in Draisaitl? We sure as hell are. Draisaitl has been the driving force of the last three Oilers wins and is currently the team’s playoff MVP. Hopefully, the Ducks don’t realize that and take an unsportsman stick to Leon’s head, but odds are – they will next game, and Craig will lose his mind.
All in all, a Game 1 win in enemy territory to get back home ice advantage is nothing but grins & boners, with Adam Larsson silencing (yet again) the Hall trade nay-sayers.
God I love that big beautiful Swede.
Friday Night’s sees the Ducks try to slash their way back into the series on home ice with another later start on the West Coast. Can the Oilers win their fourth straight, or is Randy Fucking Carlyle devising a new game plan to remove Kessler’s skate and use it as a weapon?
We don’t put anything past these assholes.
See you Saturday, In The Box.