The Oilers head into (another) break and see the team winning four of their last five. Why is everyone so depressed then? Week 19 of the season did feature the worst performance of the year against the Sabres, but that’s just a blip on the radar right? It’s not the true talent of this team, right? RIGHT? Even I’m desperate at this point. Good luck to Brent & Craig…
Oilers 5, Canucks 2
Craig Douglas: The week between the breaks began on a bad note as the club learned that they would be without the services of RNH for at least the next month. His injury went from “no big deal, he can recover over the bye week”, to a “bruised” sternum, then “’2018. It can always get worse! ‘bruised motherfucking ribs.’” Nuge had been nothing less than a top three player so far this season, and on many nights – he was by far the best player on the ice.
The Oilers actually managed to step it up in his absence, and put on a fairly good showing against the stupid Canucks. The majority of the team played really well, and big nights from Khaira, Mighty Maroon, McD, Talbot, and the Leon King had Oiler fans happy.
Digging a little deeper and anyone can see that special teams were still complete shit, and the face-off numbers (20/58 for 34.5 percent) are already showing how valuable Nuge is on any given night, or afternoon as is so often the case, fuck you schedule makers. So they beat Vancouver and now that means that they’re good again, right? More on that below.
Brent Oliver: I watched every second of this beatdown thanks to being stuck in a bar doing my part-time job (no, not this one), playing roots rock to drunk assholes who kept asking for Blue Rodeo covers. The game had all the makings of a bed-shittable experience due to time off, and our Saturday night nationally televised curse. I agree that the Oilers played well and beat the most hated franchise in the history of sports making it a three-game winning streak from before to after the bye week. No complaints, except maybe the refs should call a couple penalties on defenseman draping themselves on Connor like an oversized coat.
Sabres 5, Oilers 0
CD: Dogshit? More like snail shit. I saw some of the game on Saturday and I still try and watch them all these days—but they make it fucking difficult to will myself to do so. I decided to make this game against Buffalo a dedicated viewing. It was Tuesday night, I had a couple of fancy beers, it’s McDavid vs Eichel, it was going to be great!
(one hour later…)
I only kinda came close to making it through the whole game, but it was further than any single player on the Oilers. I was still into it after the first period, though my shitty sense was tingling. Halfway through the second period, I had to send my butler out to get more fancy beers, and by the time that the third period rolled around I was cranking a rock ‘n’ roll record and wondering how I was going to write about this fucking embarrassment. Right around the time that Talbot was pulled from the net, I noticed that two real teams (San Jose and Winnipeg) were about to begin playing on the west coast. I decided that that couldn’t be a worse use of my team and that I would flip over. I wasn’t fast enough though and as I was getting ready to make the switch, BAM! 5-0.
This game was straight up trash from the initial drop of the puck. The glaring lack of effort, the somehow shittier than usual special teams, the inability to make a pass, and the total fuckload of resulting giveaways. Holy hell it was bad. I’m glad I only paid for it using time and not money. Anyone that went to that game has my sincere condolences. Sometimes it’s good to follow the hockey clichés of ‘we gotta put this one behind us and move on’ and ‘let us never speak of this again’. In this case, I disagree. I think that the coach should keep a stack of Wednesday’s newspapers in the room and fucking smack the players on the nose with it before, during, and after each and every game for the rest of the season. The effort in this game wasn’t that fucking bad, it was actually much, much worse. FOR SHAME!
BO: I was loving spared by a couple text messages from friends saying “Are you watching this shit?” and “Let me know when you can talk about it.” It’s games like this being the reason I PVR … well – that, and my gaggle of children who need to be driven to activities, put to bed, and told not to make eye contact with Daddy or they lose their allowance. Anyhoo – thank god for those text messages as I had watched most of the lacklustre first period, then switched to parenting. The only thing more awful than my parenting was the 2nd period by the Edmonton Oilers. 5 goals? FIVE?!! Against SHITTY Buffalo? While we can chalk this up to a “it happens” kind of performance, it was a very telling display of why this team can’t win when it counts. You have a three game winning streak, two days off after a bye week game, playing a shitty opponent and you get blown out five fucking nothing? What the hell! This wasn’t even a back to back on the road—you slept in your own fucking beds! I swear this Oilers team is giving me a nervous breakdown. Bring on another stupid NHL/NHLPA enforced break. I need some time off.
Oilers 4, Flames 3 (SO)
CD: I felt like I almost had to watch this game what with everything that led up to it and the fact that is was Calgary. I decided to have a beer after work and watch the first period, then I could decide if I wanted to continue watching once I returned home. I’m a little more cautious with my time after that fucking debacle on Tuesday so I decided not to watch this game based on the first period. I did just watch the extended highlights this morning and I saw everything I need to know: the refs are extremely shitty, Lucic is completely useless and a detriment to the team, Calgary sucks, and McDavid is the best player on the planet. Over to you Brent since you actually slugged it out and watched this game.
Predicsh? I predict the All Star game will be a boring waste of your time and the skills competition will be asinine. I won’t be watching that BS and I hope you won’t be either.
BO: I watched the whole damn thing as I wanted to be right about something. So often when the Oilers win a game like this, after a loss like that, people can say, “Oh! They’ve won four out of five! They’re good again.” So, I wanted to be right that those idiots don’t know a shit team when they see it. As usual, the Oilers were incapable of playing a 60-minute game, and mustered about 30-35 minutes of this one. Down 2-0 after the first, tied 2-2 after the second (they woke up) then tied 3-3 into OT thanks to two goals by Brandon Davidson who had sat the last five games, and hadn’t scored in over 60 games. Even when they win, there’s stats like that to prove my point that they’re still shit.
Speaking of shit … what. the. fuck. By now, everyone has seen the play claiming goalie interference on McDavid on the winning goal in OT. That’s twice in the last two weeks that the instant replay monkeys in a truck in Toronto have fucked the Oilers on what in the past would be called “hockey”. Yes, I know it’s a rule. Yes, I know everyone can just rewind their PVRs to watch calls the refs miss, but this is not the spirit of instant replay. Instant replay should not be a tool coaches use like the meaningless time outs at the end of an NFL game. The Instant replay should be to determine calls that cannot be observed by the naked eye. I’m all for goal line replays to see if a puck crossed, but penalties and offside replays are pure fucking trash. Do your goddamn job in the moment! McDavid was right to trash talk the ref after his shootout goal. We need more swagger on this team, since it seems that the NHL, the schedule makes, the refs and PA are all out to fuck the team.
Another week off? Didn’t we just have that?
Who’s going to the All Star game? Does anyone care?
Can I do this outro in only questions? Is that even possible?
We’ll see you next week, In The Box