Music

Quick Spins

Catfish Haven
Please Come Back (Secretly Canadian)

Great soulful rock like
CCR or Rod Stewart
Before he sucked balls

Volcano!
Beautiful Seizure (The Leaf Label)

Blasts of pure chaos
Screechy guitars and wind chimes
Makes me feel carsick

Sinewave
Unity Gain (Vinyl Republik)

Easy listening
For young elitist robots!
Great for humans too

High School Crush
18 Hits From High School Heart Throbs (Sony)

Eighties chart toppers
It’s a total workout disc…
For your gag reflex

Kenny G
The Essential Kenny G (Arista/Legacy)

The smooth sax stylings
That make secretaries wet
And my bowels loose

Misstress Barbara
Come With Me… (Uncivilized World)

Even dumb bastards
Who like dance music can see
That this is pure crap

Tassilo
Touching the Place of Wonder (independent)

The place of wonder?
Does he mean the clitoris?
Or college boys’ bums?

Slave to the System
Slave to the System (Spitfire)

This shit was tired
When I Mother Earth did it
Now it’s just plain sad

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