The Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse


The Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse shows up about five years late to its cultural crazing-out moment (all that late-’00s zombie-mania). But beyond its tardy, fitful contribution to the undead evolution, this teen flick’s apparently never heard of the actual women’s revolution. So we’re treated to some B-horror fun here and there, increasingly buzzkilled by horny-moan, male-it-in humour.

The Dawn of the Dead-meets-Stand By Me scenario sees a zombie epidemic break out from a lab, thanks to one overly curious, floor-mopping doofus (in the movie’s most patient and funniest sequence), then confronted by the town of Deer Field’s scouting buddies: average-Joe-hero Ben (Tye Sheridan), sex-obsessed dickhead Carter (Logan Miller) and well-meaning schlub Augie (Joey Morgan). The tone of most gore-scenes is judged just right, from the trio’s scout leader stubbornly trying to bite his troop back to Cloris Leachman’s cameo as a crotchety old neighbour; the MacGyvering scouts’ final, home-hardware-armed showdown’s fun enough. But our teen triumvirate hooks up with twentysomething Denise (Sarah Dumont), a cocktail waitress at a strip-club (“Lawrence of Alabia”), just so TSGZA can upsize its hottie-ness factor by repeatedly eyeing a skinny blonde in short shorts and a white tank top.

It’s this mix of blood and lust that spatteringly sputters. The script follows Carter’s lead, indulging not just in juvenile jokes (the hanging-on-to-a-zombie’s-dick that’s stretched beyond any playground-level amusement whatsoever) but in a primeval, T&A-obsessed, slagging-off of the hot-to-trot sex. The one time a girl’s sexually assertive, she gets fatally cunnilingus-ed for it; Denise helpfully, suddenly shows Ben how to kiss; Ben’s love-interest, Kendall—Halston Sage, reduced to eye-candy again, as in Neighbors and Goosebumps—is simply ogled all the way through. This is a movie whose last line is: “I should fuck his mom, then!” Sure, Hollywood still likes to pander to the teen-boy market, but this is the equivalent of vicarious panting-for-panties (which actually happens here in one scene). Simply switching genders for a sequel—Girl Guides 2 The Zombie Apocalypse—could make this horror-comedy you’d want to sink your teeth, not some other body part, into.

1 Comment

  • What a pathetic attempt to pander to some political movement over a goofy movie about zombies. Make your own movie if you can do it better. Not everything made today needs to cater to some agenda. This movie will not win an Oscar but at least it is entertaining. Don’t listen to this jackass who I am sure wouldn’t stand up for an opressed woman if the situation presented itself. I watched this movie with my fiance, her sister and their mom and their shared response when I read them your review was “oh tell him to shove it up his ass.” So I believe I will respect these women’s wishes by telling you to please shove your review up your ass. Stop ruining EVERYTHING by kissing every ass to advance your career. If you (meaning people in general) haven’t figured out by now that everyone in this world should be treated equally you don’t deserve to live on this planet and we especially don’t need some garbage movie critic reminding us that issues such as this still exist. Let people have some enjoyment in life and maybe next time you should put yourself between an abusive man’s fist and his lady’s face if you really want to make a difference.

    Here is how your “editor” should have told you to write this review; Is this the best zombie ever, on par with with the original Night of the Living Dead, no, but it is entertaining and worth a watch. Then again, you probably would say something negative about (spoiler alert) how they killed the black guy at the end of the movie and asked if anyone ever heard of the civil rights movement.

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