Dec. 30, 2009 - Issue #741: 10

Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakquel

The who? is obvious. There's no mistaking the high-pitched "We're back!" before the faces of the most famous nut-nibblers since Chip 'n' Dale even appear in their second film in three years.

The how? is CGI among human actors—who can't, presumably, have had much fun talking to space before the three furry tree-huggers were digitally added. So the why?, for everyone involved—I'm including the hordes of children flocking to multiplexes, parents in tow—is a lot more puzzling.

Sure, lots of people like singing raisins, frogs, dogs and cats, especially around Christmas-time, because, well ... I guess any anthropomorphic critter that sings is cute in our American Ipodol/So You Think YouTube Can Dance age.

But Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel is well aware of its cuteness factor, neutering it through self-consciousness: female counterparts The Chipettes croon and dance; teen girls scream over Alvin (the hotshot); Simon (the nerdy one) and Theodore (pudgy baby brother) knowingly remark, "Now that was cute," after hapless guardian Toby croaks out his affection for a girl.

And AC:TS is jitteringly aware of its one-trick appeal, not even letting the boys do a full song until the finale. The singing (musty, predictable pop tunes: "Girl, You Really Got Me Now" to screaming female fans; "You Spin Me Right Round" while getting dizzy in an electric mixing bowl) still sounds like post-helium karaoke.

Certainly Alvin and Bros' fans deserve better than this story, hastily cribbed from the back-to-school and make-it-big playbooks: overcome bullies, become popular, hook up with girls, win the big music competition, thwart the scheming agent, don't let your stardom make you forget your family (but you still win and stay famous).

The opening's a little disturbing in its use of humans as cartoon punching-bags (breaking bones after brutal falls), while the animated acorn-lovers seem more lively. And the romance between Chipmunks and Chipettes is bizarrely chaste (perhaps because the filmmakers know how weird it is to have the boys fall in love with what looks like the-boys-in-drag). Even the happy ending to Toby's crush is just a hug.

But the target audience, then, is the under-10 crowd. So there's baby-ish Theodore, overcoming his fear of being taken from his family. And there's the comforting fantasy of high school as a place where the little, not-so-cool new kids can end up everyone's favourite classmates. But easy resolutions pop up and there's no real drama, with flat jokes, overacting and wasted comic talent (David Cross, Jason Lee, the voices of Anna Faris and Christina Applegate) slathered between the plot's thin slices-of-strife like cheap peanut butter.

The biggest laughs came when Theodore struggled out from the sheets after Toby let one go and the legs-wide-open agent got Goldfingered by a scooter. So maybe AC:TS is here to confirm that, no matter the age, fart jokes and crotch-shots never get old.

Singing chipmunks, though? In our 24-hour fad-cycle pop-cult era, this '50s creation gone 2.0 will RIP soon, joining Beverly Hill chihuahuas in that heavenly creature-choir above. Until the next wave of unsuspecting kids comes along, demographic-hungry Hollywood studios circling underneath ... V
 
Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakquel
Directed by Betty Thomas
written by Jon Vitti, Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger
Starring David Cross, Jason Lee, Anna Faris, Chrstina Applegate

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