Jun. 27, 2012 - Issue #871: Edmonton 2012
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Now Hollywood's revamping history by gashing-up famous figures of biopics past with the undead creatures of horror movies present. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter beats to the punch, presumably, George Washington: Zombie Slayer and, possibly, our very own John A Macdonald: Wendigo Trapper.AL: VH comes off like a series of forgettable History Channel-meets-Heritage Moment recreations with some axeman versus vampire video game scenes tossed in. The two main action sequences, both ludicrous, show young Abe and his nightstalker-nemesis jumping from horse to horse (as if they're playing equestrian hopscotch) and a train-crosses-burning-bridge ride. The 3D is, however, very good at illuminating dustmotes whirling slowly through the rays of light that keep slashing through scenes.
The 16th President (Benjamin Walker) is a superhero, hacking up fangboys with his silver hatchet in between cursory re-enactments of his major Wikipedia-entry moments. There's little effort to mesh the Gothic exploits with the politics of the time—the idea that vampires were Southern slaveowners, using blacks as their bloody victims, isn't taken anywhere interesting by Seth Grahame-Smith, adapting his book. Editing is choppy, some transitions are sloppy, and the camera zooms over Gettysburg as if aerial-photographing toy soldiers playing at war. But then, this is a parchment paper-thin conceit playing at being a feature-length movie.
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