Bondage for beginners

How to incorporate 50 Shades of Grey into your own bedroom

Due to the outrageous popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey series, lots of folks who had barely even heard of BDSM have become curious about adding some kink to their sex play. Bondage is often the first thing we think of when we decide we'd like to try something a little racy. It seems easy and you can tie someone up with almost anything, but there are a few little things to know before you grab the tow rope from the garage and head to the bedroom.

Why is it Hot?
It seems obvious that bondage could be exciting, but once you get into it you'll discover some secrets that experienced bondage players have known for ages.
• If you are tied up, you have no control and you may not be calling the shots. The unknown creates a heightened level of excitement and makes anything you do so much hotter.
• Allowing someone to tie you up involves trust. Conversely, when someone allows you to tie him up, you are being bestowed with a great gift of trust. This dynamic can deepen and strengthen relationships.
• Being out of control or being the one who is in control can force you to confront and perhaps overcome your limits around trust, vulnerability and perhaps even pain.

SafetyBondage play in general is quite safe, but there a few things that can get you into serious trouble. Follow these rules for a safe and happy time.
• Never tie anything around the neck.  No matter how hot you think it is or how careful and safe you plan to be, just don't do it. Things get out of control when we get hot and bothered and before you know it, your partner could be choking or suffocating. 
• Have a pair of safety shears or bandage scissors handy. You can buy these for a few dollars at vet supply or home health supply stores. They are very sharp but are designed so that they won't cut skin. If you get into trouble and need to get your partner out of ties quickly—or if the in-laws suddenly turn up on the doorstep—the safety shears will be your best friend.
• Never leave someone unattended while they are restrained. Again, it might seem hot to blindfold and tie up your lover and leave him wondering and waiting while you go for groceries, but he could roll over onto his face and suffocate or fall off the bed or chair and hit his head and no one will be there to help him.
• If you are tying your partner while she is standing, make sure you stay very close and/or have a chair or bed close by. She may get light-headed or lose her balance. You don't want her crashing to the floor.
• The granny knot is not your friend.  Tying a person is not like gift-wrapping a present. Learn some simple ties that will tighten against themselves, not your lover, when pulled. There are lots of great books for instructions on basic bondage ties or you can check out the Two Knotty Boys online.  They have instructional videos that will get you started.
• Suspension is dangerous. Whenever you pull someone up so their feet cannot touch the ground, you are risking serious injury. Leave this to the advanced players.
• Pay attention to your partner.  Check in frequently with just a few simple words to make sure he is still comfortable and happy and adjust when necessary. Check the sites of your ropes or sashes from time to time to make sure you're not cutting off circulation or damaging skin.

The beauty of bondage is that you don't need a whole lot to get started.  Here are some of the favorite beginner tools.
• Bondage tape. This funky stuff sticks only to itself. It won't stick to hair, clothes, skin or your expensive furniture. You can quickly and easily bind a wrist to a bedpost without worrying about tricky knots and ties. It comes off quickly or you can cut it with your safety shears.
• Bathrobe sashes, scarves and neckties. We all have these items kicking around at home, why not use them?  The nice thing about these is that they are soft and feel sensual on the skin.  Just remember not to use your granny knots to tie them, or you may be resorting to the safety shears.
• Rope. Don't go to the hardware store for rope. The kind of rope that is great for tying down the camping supplies will give your partner a nasty rope burn. Look for soft cotton, nylon or hemp rope. The best place to find it is a sex shop. Be sure to learn some simple rope ties before you start playing. Rope seems hot, but most of us have no idea what to do with it when we get it home.

What Do I Do Now?The only limit to bondage play is your own imagination. Do whatever you like and whatever your partner likes, but remember this one rule—have a plan. This doesn't mean that you need to write down everything you want to do step-by-step, but do give it some thought. Just tying your partner up and looking at your handiwork is not hot. What will you do with her once she's tied up? Have an idea of where you'd like to go and how you like to finish so that the whole experience is fun and exciting. Make undoing the ties a part of your experience together as well and include some nice stroking, cuddling and care-taking when it's over.

1 Comment

  • These are all great tips, but similar to 50 Shades, what’s missing is consent. You have to agree to engage in bondage. No means no, maybe means no, and even yes should be enthusiastic. If done wrong, bondage can be a dangerous.

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