Week of May 9, 2007, Issue #603
FRONT
Dispatch
DARREN ZENKO / darren@vueweekly.com
The view north through the window of somebody else’s office: vast fields of real-estate stretching out toward the hazy brown band on the horizon, the worrisome dirty halo from which pour riches.
Nearer by, just across the avenue, is the construction site for what I’m told will be a Sobeys, a downtown-revitalizin’ foodmart to take the pressure off the Save-On, where the post-work rush hour requires full-time traffic control and one can line-read both People and Real Simple in the time it takes to get to a checkout.
I can’t see it from this angle, but I know its there—mostly there, for now—on the plywood hoardings surrounding the site: impromptu guerrilla artshow, 16 artists, 16 pictures, flash-organized by the manic Sheri Barclay and slapped up in the wishin’-Lord-that-I-was-stoned early hours of Sunday morning.
Illustrated nursery rhymes and pop-culture iconography, notional space flags and curated Elvis tapestries, the streetshow actually lasted 24 hours before the builders culled their first piece, a shocking pink celebri-collage featuring Bill Cosby. I can’t see that, either, but it’s been blogged ...
Behind me, muted by two or three layers of the padded grey burlap that defines our Team’s habitrail, a coworker mutters emphatically into his telephone, working his real-estate deals. This is a trick lots of people are picking up, the art of keeping one’s voice down while still having the go-go, for-sure-for-sure confidence required to wheel ‘n’ deal, a necessary survival skill for Edmontonians playing Condominium Tycoon on company time.
“We’ll make the fi- ... we’ll get the fif- ... no, yeah, no we’ll get the 50 back in ... in less than two weeks, no, yeah, right, absolutely.”
Even streety slackers are talking real-estate these days, pierced ‘n’ baggy Whatever types walking down Whyte, shrugging noncommittally about flipping condos. Sixty per cent of all conversation taking place in Edmonton at any one time is about house prices, round-robin comparison of how many thousands in how many months, and through it all the one thing every Edmontonite knows for certain: if you’re renting, you are retarded; you are completely retarded; it is retarded to pay rent.
No kidding. Questions of equity aside, the life of a renter in Edmonton is the life of a fugitive, chased from building to building by the advancing forces of condominimization, or squeezed hard if you stay put. The notice doesn’t come from your landlord or building manager, either: one day you simply find the shit-eating grin of a realtor slipped under your door, offering you the exciting opportunity of buying your shitbox bachelor suite for a quarter-million dollars, and a week later the lobby and hallways fill with loudmouth suits actually rubbing their hands as they discuss the money they’ll be making while you’re scrambling for yet another round of deposit/first month/hookups.
And the elevators fill with graffiti:
Thanks for making me move AGAIN
I hope you’re happy
I hate you motherfuckers
Given these feelings everywhere, given a climate where even the bought-in moneymakers are getting scared shitless —“Sure, I could sell this place for three hundred grand, but what then? I still have to fuckin’ live somewhere, man.”—and a new fear and loathing overtakes traditional beer and loafing, it’d be easy to read a construction-site artbombing as some kind of antidevelopment protest. But that’s exactly what it’s not! The name of the project—Make It Not Suck—says it all; it’s about making this shit easier to look at. Makeup, if not a mask, for the skungy plywood Face of Progress.
Or a blessed weekend giggle, at least; these are getting fewer and farther between. Edmonton long ago lost its status as a Slacker’s Paradise—this used to be the Reverse New York: if you couldn’t make it here, you couldn’t make it anywhere—but even as it becomes less and less possible to keep it together in Browntown without working like a slavedog while making mortgage deals on your bathroom breaks, we’ve got to honour our heritage as laughing dilettante stoner art punks ... even if we can only honour it on slow Sundays.
It’s either that, or flee to Winnipeg ... V