Week of January 19, 2006, Issue #535
FRONT
In The Box
By TB Player and David Young
The Oilers spent last week playing its final three games this season against
Eastern Conference teams. A visit to Madison Square Garden resulted in a 5-4
overtime loss to the New York Rangers, following an incredible 77-minute jersey
retirement ceremony for Mark Messier. The next two matches weren’t much
better, with the Oilers losing 5-3 to the Ottawa Senators on Saturday and the
suddenly-hot Buffalo Sabres by a score of 3-1 at Rexall last Monday.
Not afraid of Americans The Juniors totally stoked my appetite
for some hardcore hockey nationalism. I’m all giggly about the upcoming
Olympics, though I’m not sure if it’s because of Canada’s
chances, or the U.S.’s non-chances. In the coming weeks we’ll preview
all the teams going into the tournament, but I’m going to jump the gun
and throw out my medal predictions right now: Canada gets the gold, Russia takes
the silver and the Czechs will settle for bronze. The Slovaks, Swedes and Finns
will all play tough, with everyone else just happy to be there. Except the U.S.,
who, by the end of the tourney, will want to be anywhere else but Torino, watching
everyone else win a hockey medal. (TB)
Gag order? I am going to put a gag order on myself regarding
the Oilers’ goaltending until something is done about it. I’m seriously
tired of the whole thing. No, I’m not going to shut my mouth; it’s
just that the situation in the Oilers net makes me gag. (TB)
Net results If only TB would put an actual gag order on himself
regarding everything else, life would be a little more pleasant. As far as Oiler
goaltending goes, if you listen to fans, every time another team’s goalie
has a good game, GM Kevin Lowe gets slammed for not signing or trading for that
player. I’m sure if Joe Chatshow or Mary Broadband can figure out that
the Oilers need a more reliable starting goalie, Kevin Lowe probably has this
figured out, too. If someone like Roberto Luongo, Martin Biron or even Martin
Brodeur (all goalies who have been “rumoured” to be coming to Edmonton)
were available, they’d be here by now and we’d be missing a skater
equally valuable. Sit tight. If the right deal is out there, we’ll know
by trade deadline. (DY)
Welcome to Bizarro World While D-man Cory Cross has looked
remarkably solid over the last few games, poor Raffi Torres looks downright
haunted. Every time Torres shoots (and doesn’t score), I swear he’s
gonna cry. It’ll come. He needs to chill out and just keep banging. It
might not hurt to shave that landing strip off his chin, either. (TB)
Lacrossed signals On Friday, January 6, the Edmonton Rush of
the National Lacrosse League played their inaugural match in Rexall Place. I
wonder if any stoned ex-headbangers showed up and wondered where Geddy Lee and
Neil Peart were. (DY)
Law of averages The average Oiler, believe it or not, is Washington’s
Brian Willsie. How do I know this? Based on the current 23-man roster the average
Oiler is 6’1”, 206 pounds, 28 years old and has 6.39 goals, 17.5
points and 32 penalty minutes so far this season. Willsie, 6’1”
and 202 lbs, has six goals and 17 points with 34 penalty minutes and is 28 years
old this March. (DY)
Did he promise Gretz he wouldn’t cry? Hope not When the
Oilers retired Paul Coffey’s number earlier this season, the ceremony
took about 20 minutes and the Oilers took the courtesy of acknowledging that
Coffey’s career did take him to other teams, honouring his time as an
Oiler first and his career as a whole. After the 77-minute melodrama the Rangers
held for Mark Messier before last Thursday’s game (The Neverending Story’s
runtime, incidentally, is 94 minutes), you would think the speechwriters and
former players were threatened with fines if they mentioned the words “Edmonton”
or “Oilers” or that he won more than one Stanley Cup. (DY)