Week of April 21, 2005, Issue #496
DISH
Choose your own culinary adventure
By CHRISTOPHER THRALL
1. You push cautiously through the front door of The Dish and
the Runaway Spoon, a restaurant in the newly trendy 124 Street area. A sharp
turn opens into a bright, airy space filled with light cappuccino colours and
rich, natural woods. Go to #7.
2. After a short wait, the server brings out the plates. A
significant slice of quiche and generous serving of Caesar salad in a creamy
garlic dressing are set before you. The salad is simply terrific, with crunchy
croutons and real shredded bacon—truly a celebration of all things Caesar.
Your quiche has a crisp top layer and flaky crust, with a piping hot interior
blend of potato, red pepper and crab that melts away on your tongue. Simply
delicious! Go to #12.
3. “I can’t believe you decided what I would eat!”
you rage. “You can’t tell me what to do! I never want to see you
again!” You storm out of the restaurant, leaving your companion stunned.
Years later, you agree with your psychiatrist that you might have slightly overreacted.
It’s not much consolation as you sit alone at the bar night after night,
pouring alcohol into the gaping void of your loneliness. “You can’t
tell me wha’ to do...” you mutter to yourself, over and over. THE
END
4. “Quick!” you hiss and dash for the door, your
startled companion a step behind you. You laugh when you hear the server’s
yell, but duck belatedly as a butter knife whirls past your ear. You steal a
glance back to see her gaining on you, mayhem in her eyes and cutlery in her
hands. Your companion grunts as a salad fork draws blood, then stumbles when
tongs strike the back of their head. You swerve to avoid a ladle, dodging between
two parked cars and onto the street. When the Dodge Dakota hits you, the last
thing that goes through your mind is the shattered bits of your skull. THE
END
5. The server guides you back to your companion, who is gazing
dreamily out the window. You see a tomato juice and an iced tea on the table
($2 each), grab one and start to talk excitedly about the Secret Garden. Then
you notice that the menus are gone. “I ordered for us both,” your
companion smiles. “There were some intriguing appetizers and some unexpected
but delicious-sounding entrées for less than $15. I was pretty tempted
by the coq au vin, but I picked two: Mediterranean Flatbread and a Potato and
Crab Quiche. Both were $11—you can have whichever you want.”
Do you take the flatbread? Go to #8.
Do you select the quiche? Go to #2.
Are you pissed that someone had the nerve to order for you without asking? Go
to #3.
6. You happily pay for the meal and make your way home. You
flip on the television and barely have time to hear about a house-to-house search
for an escaped prankster when suddenly, your door is kicked in by the police!
They have the wrong person! The cops need to know where you were tonight while
the premier was pied in his sleep. Without proof of your evening of fine dining,
they haul you downtown to Edmonton’s famous downtown Remand Centre. Don’t
worry—you should be able to straighten this out. Eventually. THE END
7. You and your companion claim a corner table in front of
the room’s huge windows and admire the antique hutch nearby. As your guest
begins to peruse the menu, you realize that there is something important you
need to ask the server. The dazzling blonde looks up with a smile as you approach
the gorgeous wood-grained bar. As you lean in, do you ask...
...about their award-winning patio? Go to #11.
...where the bathroom is? Go to #10.
8. No more than 10 minutes pass in pleasant conversation before
the entrées arrive. Your flatbread looks tantalizing and smells even
better. The thin crust supports a rich combination of marinated vegetables,
well balanced by mozzarella and feta cheeses for a delicious light meal. However,
the winner is a fresh spinach salad that accompanies your meal. The crisp, vibrant
spinach is enhanced by a light dressing while almonds rolled in brown sugar
add an unexpected sweetness. This is incredible! Go to #12.
9. You punch in a generous tip on the debit machine, then gratefully
take your receipt. Not only did you both have a terrific dinner for under $40,
but if you eat at a few more FARE restaurants by August 18, you could win some
gastronomical prizes! You take your companion’s arm and exit the restaurant.
The endless possibilities of an Edmonton evening await: where will you go next
to choose your own adventure? THE END
10. You enter the tiny room with a sigh of relief. Biology
takes over and your gaze falls naturally on a chalkboard posted at eye level.
Is it meant to distract from the task at hand or to deter the vandalism-minded?
Your mind mulls over the simple Proustian quote etched on the board. Suddenly,
epiphany strikes and you burst out of the restroom to share your revelation
with your companion. The darkened dining area gives you pause. You check your
watch and realize that you had spent several hours in mystical contemplation,
barely noticing the frantic banging on the bathroom door.
You spin around at the sound of a footstep behind you, and flinch as a huge
woman thrusts a mop into your limp hands. “I wondered where you went!”
she laughs evilly. “No more slacking for you! I want this place scrubbed
before I get back!” She notices something. “Oh—you slipped
out of your leg iron, did you? We can’t have that!” She swoops down
and clasps a huge iron shackle around your ankle, ignoring your feeble protests.
You spend the rest of your life toiling in darkness, cleaning the trendy restaurant
and dining on very tasty table scraps. THE END
11. “Oh, you mean the Secret Garden,” she smiles.
“The weather’s still a little uncertain, so it’s not open
yet, but would you like to see it?” You nod and she leads you through
a labyrinth of hallways behind the restaurant, telling you about the wooden
gate that accesses their patio from the street. She cracks open an imposing
white door, held shut with a thick metal bar. You smile at your first sight
of the Secret Garden, a tiny alcove between tall concrete walls and filled with
tables. Above, a wooden lattice wound with white Christmas lights makes the
space feel like an intimate Spanish courtyard not 20 feet away from one of Edmonton’s
busiest streets. Go to #5.
12. Surprisingly, though the meal looked right for a light
dinner, you find yourself feeling quite full by the end. This place is unbelievable:
tasty, trendy, inexpensive cuisine in smaller portions that still fill you up!
Does anybody else know about this place? Your companion looks up with a smile
and you realize that the server is returning. “Oh, yeah—I ordered
dessert,” is the last thing you hear before your animal brain kicks in
and you both tear into the Lemon Phyllo Tart ($6). Under a huge mound of fresh
whipped cream, a crisp phyllo shell formed like a crown holds the tart, cheesecake-like
lemon filling. Tangy raspberry coulis is drizzled generously over the entire
confection. With difficulty, you manage to avoid coming to blows over the last
few bites. You sit back contentedly and your companion signals for the bill.
Do you...
...wait until the server’s back is turned and bolt for the door? Go
to #4.
...pay the $32 plus tax and tip, making sure to keep the receipt? Go to
#9.
...pay the bill and wave away bits of paper that clutter up your wallet? Go
to #6. V
The Dish and the Runaway Spoon
12417 Stony Plain Road • 488-6641